Christian Scientists have
been trying for decades to scientifically disprove evolution. So far, their lack of empirical evidence and
obviously biased arguments has kept them from disproving evolution. Many of their cases so far have revealed
their clear misunderstanding of what evolution is. However, Christian scientists have finally
found their first piece of real evidence.
“The other day, my neighbor brought home a new Chihuahua from the pet
store”, said one researcher. “I noticed
that it lacked many of the traits it would’ve needed to survive in any
environment. For example, it had a habit
of barking and goading beings that are much larger than them, especially
potential predators. How can there be
survival of the fittest of these little shits have survived in the numbers they
have?”
However, Christian Science centers didn’t stop
there. They made sure to do the research
before claiming evolutionary theory is defunct.
“We set up several environments in which the Chihuahua would have to
survive. We put a small population in a
controlled jungle environment. At first
all of the tigers ignored them, not recognizing them as prey; what little
sustenance they would’ve received wouldn’t have been worth it. However, for no reason at all, the Chihuahuas
started barking at a tiger that was just standing around doing nothing. Egging the tiger on, and on, barking
relentlessly. Just begging the bigger,
stronger tiger to fight them. The tiger
got so annoyed, it took only a minute and a half for it to pound the entire
population of barking little shits into a pulp.
However, the most important observation was that the tiger didn’t even
eat the Chihuahuas after he was done tearing them to shreds. Apparently, the Chihuahua doesn’t even need
to have a predator to be in danger. All
it needs is something bigger and stronger to annoy to the point of violent
outrage.”
The Center for Christian Science also conducted similar
biomes. Examples were the Chihuahua’s
native desert as well as, grassland environments, forest environments, polar
environments, and even a tundra environment.
According to their respective environments, the Chihuahuas were
swallowed whole by rattle snakes, trampled by enraged buffaloes, tossed over a
cliff by angered grizzly bears, impaled by irate walruses (walri?) and judo
flipped by emotionless Vladimir Putins.
“We’ve checked every environment. Every possible biome. And in all cases, the stupid little assholes
found the most threatening thing in each habitat and egged it on until it was
eradicated from existence. If survival
of the fittest and natural selection exist, then how could the Chihuahua? Clearly, these dogs are not fit to survive,
nor would nature select them to survive.
The only explanation is that there is a God out there. And that God is punishing us by keeping these
pieces of shit alive. To annoy us until
we repent of our sins.”
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