New Law Allows Police to Lie About What the Law Is

                In college campuses around the U.S., many students feel like their civil liberties are being trampled on.  They can be charged for odd, inexplicable things like ‘intent to drink’.  Students feel this charge makes little sense.  So to make students feel better about their rights, many college towns are repealing older laws and nullifying unfair charges.  The catch is, however, police officers will now be allowed to lie about what the law is.  That way, students will have all of their civil liberties back, they just won’t be able to tell which ones they get back.

            “We feel that giving too much freedom to college students is just asking for trouble” said one college president.  He asked to remain unidentified (which is legal.  Or is it?  Who are you to judge?)  “Giving kids privileges like ‘civil liberties’ and ‘constitutionally guaranteed rights’ just puts the university and its reputation at stake.  We can’t have kids running around doing crazy things and then using their god-given rights to justify them.  What if someone uses their first amendment rights to disagree with me?”

            There were counter arguments to these new laws, but most students trying to argue against them were too afraid to.  “I was going to say that we all have the right to know what the law is, but then a police officer said that if I cited the constitution, he could confiscate my pancreas as evidence for disorderly conduct” said one protesting student.  He asked to remain unidentified.  If you have any information on which student this is, please contact the authorities.  If the police department receives no information on the matter, the police can legally break into your house in the dead of night and take all your puppies.  You know, as evidence.