Many students love to
write (Alvin et al, 2008), but find the amount of citations necessary to finish
a paper (Johnson, 1969) cumbersome (Gregory, 2012). “I used to love writing” said one UI junior
(Mason, 2012) last Wednesday (Mason, 2012).
“But it’s just so hard to find sources to prove the points that you most
likely thought of on your own anyways.
The more papers I write, the more the line between a priori (Fett, 6
BBY) and a posteriori (Dennis, 1166) blurs (Alvin et al, 1980).” (Obama, 2004).
UI Professors (Dooku, 26 BBY), however, remain adamant
that citing other (Voldemort, 1986) people’s work is the only way to ensure
that they actually researched (Khil, 1967).
“I truly wish we could let (Lincoln, 1863) students write essays purely
composed of a priori (Khrushchev, 1977) thought, but what’s to stop students
from going online and cheating (Squarepants, 2004).” Some professors theorize (the Bastard, 1066)
that students could just submit a reference page to make up show that they
researched, but other professors (Hardraada, 1066) this wouldn’t do the
trick. “Another good thing about
requiring students (Jagger, 1970) to have both a Works Cited a reference list
is it forces them to actually use their resources. We realize the inconveniences involved with
(Bieber, 2011) citations, but this is the way the scholarly world works (Tebow,
2011), and we wouldn’t be doing our job if we didn’t prepare students for it (Fukudome,
2009).”
Works Cited (NOTE: None of these resources
actually exist. This is all a joke)
Alvin, C., et al. (2011). Something punny that the kids
would like in high pitched shit. (22 ed., Vol. 33, pp. 44-55). Old Jersey,
NJ: House of Randomness Publishers. wikipedia.org
The Bastard, W. (1066). The norman army, funny, no one
here's named norman. (1 ed., Vol. 0, p. 66). Hastings, IL: How Can a House
Be Random? It's A House! It's Clearly There For A Purpose Publishers. wikipedia.org
Bieber, J. (2011). I'm the next micheal jackson, in that
my gender is ambiguous. (69 ed., Vol. 69, pp. 69-6969). Fucking, Austria:
She's a Brick (And Random) House Publishing. wikipedia.
Dennis, P. (1166). The anarchosyndaclist commune and your
lovely pile of filth. (1 ed., Vol. 1, pp. 2-3). Flea-Upon-Wing-Upon-Fly-Upon-Frog-Upon-Bump-Upon-Log-Upon-Hole-In-The-Bottom-Of-The-Sea,
NE: I Threw A Dart At A Map And It Landed On This House Publishers.
wikipedia.org
Dooku, C. (26 BBY). The dark side and maintaining well
kept facial hair. (a ed., Vol. b, p. cdefg). Korriban, TX: Actually, I Sort
of Chose This House On Purpose Publishers. wikipedia.org
Fett, B. (6 BBY). Bounty hunters and the outsourced
economy. (12 ed., Vol. 34, p. 56). Coruscant, MT: I Just Spun Around In A
Circle And I Walked Around Blindfolded Until I Found A House Publishers.
wikipedia.org
Fukudome, T. (2009). Is it just me, or is it just the
cubs?. (! ed., Vol. ?, pp. !!!-!!?!). Chicago, IL: Mi Random Casa Es Su
Random Casa Publishing. wikipedia.org
Gregory, G. (2012). I don't know, nor do i care. (88
ed., Vol. 69, pp. 1-900). Mordor, NJ: House That Was Random Until They Built
All Of Those Condos Around It Publishers. wikipedia.org
Hardraada, H. (1066). Arrow in the eye: The last time
vikings lost to the english. (10 ed., Vol. 66, p. 1066). Stamford, MI:
Houses Can Be Random, They Just Normally Aren't Publishing. wikipedia.org
Jagger, M. (1970). Gimme shelter: The near collapse of
the best bad ever. (5 ed., Vol. 4, pp. 3-21). Liverpool, MA: Gimme Random
Shelter, Perhaps A House Publishing. wikipedia.org
Johnson, L. (1969). I really don't want to see the
word vietnam in the budget. (13 ed., Vol. 13, pp. 13-1313). Washington
D.F., Maryland: House That We Drew Out Of A Hat Publishers. wikipedia.org.
Khil, E. (1977). Trololololo-lo-loooooweeeeee!!!:
metaphysical wonderings of the 20th century theological philosopher. (4
ed., Vol. 4, pp. 4-44). Moscow, Russia: Look at That House, What An Eyesore
With All Of Its Random Christmas Lights Publishers. wikipedia.org
Khrushchev, N. (1977). Me and my shoe will bury you!.
(1 ed., Vol. 2, pp. 3-4). Moscow, IA: But Seriously, Who Just Randomly Builds A
House? That's A Serious Financial Endeavour! Publishing. wikipedia.org
Lincoln, A. (1863). Gettysburg address. (1 ed., Vol.
1, pp. 1-1.5). Gettysburg, PA: Random House.. In the Middle of the Street
Publishers. wikipedia.org
Mason, S. (2009). Something a presidential sounding.
(1 ed., Vol. 123, pp. 123-456). Iowa City, IA: University of Iowa. wikipedia.org
Obama, B. (2004). Yes we can become senator of illinois.
(1 ed., Vol. 1, pp. 1-9,999). Chicago, TX: House That Just Came Out Of Freakin'
Nowhere Publishers. wikipedia.org
Smith, J. (2006). Thoughts of a man with a generic name.
(999 ed., Vol. 999, pp. 1-2). Kalamazoo, MI: Completely Random House Publishers.
wikipedia.org
Squarepants, S. (2004). Living with a disorder: My best
friend patrick. (12 ed., Vol. 34, pp. 56-78). Bikini Bottom, OK: You Know
What's Really Random? A House! Pubishing. wikipedia.org
Tebow, T. (2011). Give us this day our daily touchdown,
and forgive us our tebowing, as we forgive those who tebow against us. (123
ed., Vol. 456, pp. 789-1234). Denver, CO: That House Would Be Even More Random
If We Put furniture Out In Front Of It Publishing. wikipedia.org
Voldemort, L. (1986). Lost by a nose: the accounts of the
dictator that almost killed harry potter. (123 ed., Vol. 456, pp. 7-89).
Hogwarts, WI: Nothing is Random, The Universe Drove You To Pick That House
Publishers. wikipedia.org
No comments:
Post a Comment