U.S. De-Annexes Texas

After embarrassing us for the last time, Obama, backed by an overwhelming congressional majority, has kicked Texas out of the Union. “Now they can go do all the stupid stuff they want” said the President. “That way the next time they try to ban atheist petting zoos, they’ll be the ones to look stupid.” While the idea of kicking them out of the Union wasn’t constitutionally based, it was based on the gibberish crap they have been saying for the past few decades. Yep, all that talk of the ‘South rising again’ and ‘Seceding’ and ‘Not messing with Texas’ and saying ‘It’s like a whole other country’… well now we are going to give them exactly what they want. We will no longer ‘mess with Texas’; we will let them ‘rise again’ and ‘secede’ in their ‘whole other country’.

“We believe that this deal will work out well for us” said U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security. “We can take all of the U.S. border patrol officers and concentrate them along the Arizona and New Mexico borders. De-annexing Texas will also get rid of Tony Romo, who is conceivably the biggest embarrassment to any American institution at this point.”

The Mexican Government also had a set of special responses to Texas’ De-annexation. They are worried that they will be unable to stem the tide of illegal immigration now that the border is guarded by a small republic with no resources to speak of. When asked what the new Texan ‘Republic’ would do to handle illegal immigration, one former Texas Governor was quoted to say “Bring ‘em on.”