After being faced between
the choice of a well-spoken incumbent and the country’s most generic governor,
comedians nationwide are looking forward to the next election season. “We’ve just got nothing to work with here”
said one statement from the American Satirical Society “I mean, we can’t expect
too much from the Democrats; most of us are liberal and they are a little less
gaffe prone. But then, out of all the
hilariously stupid candidates we had back in March, from Rick Santorum to Newt
Gingerich, people just had to vote for Mitt Romney. The guy says and does nothing. How can we make fun of that which does pretty
much nothing?”
So the Board of Directors at A.S.S. had no choice but to
suspend all efforts at making fun of either candidate and has instead focused
all efforts on making new jokes in anticipation of 2016’s election season. While they still intend to deliver all
satirical jokes regarding Obama and Romney that they’ve already worked on, all
production of 2012 jokes will cease.
A.S.S., after consulting with political analysts, will predict the
probable course of next year’s election and then make jokes regarding these
tentative events.
“The
Republican Candidates should be back and as hilarious as ever. We can always count on Michele Bachman to run
again, and this is just me personally, but I have this fantasy of Rick Santorum
trying to excommunicate Michele Bachman’s husband for being too feminine. Maybe he’d even throw holy water on him! And maybe, just maybe, Herman Cain will do a
little better next year. Why, if he
could make it to the general election, he could stimulate the comedic field
with enough money to get the entire economy back on track!”
“We know that a lot of Vice Presidents get nominated, and
since the main reason Joe Biden was brought on board was to be the comic relief
to Barack Obama, he could offer us a lot of great material next campaign season”
said Mr. Smart, President of the A.S.S. board of directors. “We’re currently working on some
connotations between Joe Biden and Jar Jar Binks that would be quite
hilarious. Sure Joe Joe Binks is fun to
have around, but would you really put him in the highest office of the
land? I mean, we all know what happened
with Jar Jar in Revenge of the Sith.” Mr. Smart took this moment to pay homage to Stephen Colbert and John Stewart, worrying that a Star Wars pun might be too close to copyright of either of those shows.
“Speaking of Vice President Candidates, the only reason why we haven’t done this sooner is because we were vainly hoping for Romney to pick another crazy for his running mate. I mean, things looked pretty dry last election season, but then came Sarah Palin and everything turned out great.”
But alas, it was not so. For as long as we have a reasonable incumbent
president, and a Republican challenger who cloned himself and called that clone his
running mate, the comedic field will continue to suffer.
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