Many
parents have long theorized that violent games like Grand Theft Auto and Call
of Duty make our children violent.
Whenever there is a school shooting or a petty crime committed by a
teenager, many assume the inspiration for that violence was a video game. Until now, experts disagreed with such ideas.
“We
recently did a study about the effects of video games on children, and we were
shocked by the results” said psychologist Fred Sigmund. “When small children who commonly play Angry
Birds are left in a room together with several slingshots and small birds, they
immediately started loading the birds into slingshots and started shooting them
at not only each other, but wooden, glass and stone structures that we set up
in that same room. Those who were not
familiar with the game committed no such acts.”
Many kids were also surveyed about the game. Many, when asked if they had fantasized about
harming their teacher or school bully with an exploding black bird, 85% of the
respondents marked yes. Many other
phenomena included fantasies about launching blue jays through windows, eagles
dropping exploding eggs on cities and an extremely fast woodpecker breaking
through their neighbor’s fence. Even
more chilling, 37% admitted to playing with their dad’s slingshot.
“It
was bad enough when kids were thinking about stealing cars or shooting Russian
commandos, but this type of fantasy is just dangerous” said one child
psychologist. “You see, most kids don’t
know how to steal a car, and there obviously aren’t any Spetsnaz around to just
randomly shoot at, but birds and slingshots are both fairly common. It wouldn’t be too hard for a disgruntled kid
to just pick up any old slingshot and bird and go on a shooting spree at the
nearest petting zoo. No pig is safe
until this game is banned.”
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