On November 6th, 2012,
President Barack Obama secured the presidency for the second time. After hearing the news, red states and their
Republican residents outraged over the results.
“I can’t believe America chose a socialist Kenyan! I can’t live in a dictatorship, so I’m moving
to Canada!” said one anonymous Tea Partier.
“Why would such a free country choose such a tyrant? I’m moving to Canada before the U.S.A.
becomes the U.S.S.R.!” This tendency to
claim to be ready to abandon their country and their democracy to show how much
they love their country and their democracy seems baffling to many. Many foreigners, especially Canadians, don’t
understand about how threatening to leave the country seems so patriotic.
So in response to the statements of
the aforementioned Tea Partiers, Canada released a statement that spoke for all
Canadians: “Oh, Bullshit” said the statement.
“You’ve been saying this every year for the past couple decades. And there’s never this mass exodus to Canada
that everyone keeps saying they will join.
And it never happens.” In a poll
conducted in Canada about the U.S. election, one question asked was ‘Do you
think the Americans will actually move here this time’. 1% said yes, 2% said no, 49% said ‘Oh jeez,
not this crap again’ and 48% rolled their eyes and walked away.
The Canadian Statement ended with
the following words: “The closest thing you’ve had to a mass exodus into Canada
is the Underground Railroad, and that was because of slavery. Yeah.
The slaves left because they were tired of being beaten by overseers and
because they wanted to live free. What
are you going to leave about, Limbaugh?
Because you don’t want to pay more taxes? Because the gays can marry in some
states? Come on… just stop talking. Just stop.
Please. We all know better.”
“And by the way, don’t say you’re
going to leave because of Obamacare.
Because when you get here, well, let’s just say you’ll be a bit
disappointed.”
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