Asshole Community Feels Segregated

            With the battle towards equality for minorities and women almost won, many believe that segregation in prejudice have finally met their conclusion.  Sadly, they are wrong.  While not distinguished by ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation, the Asshole community still feels a deep sense of segregation.  Many Assholes are having trouble finding jobs, starting relationships and being treated as equals merely because of who they are.  One Asshole, Mr. J. Erk, reflected upon his troubles: "whenever I walk in for a job interview, things always seem to be going well. But then all it takes is one involuntary flick off or roll of the eyes and all of a sudden, they know who you are, what you are, and then you know you didn't get the job.  They judge us before they even get to know us.  And even once they get to know us, they still judge us.  It's so unfair!"

            But even in the bleakness of the situation, the Asshole community is not without its champions. A group of freshman Congressman known as the ‘Tea Party’, do show that it is possible for even such a discriminated group to be represented in our beautiful democracy.  Along with several other obscure goals, the Tea Party will soon give Assholes the rights they have fought for so long for.  Semi-automatic weapons and bars, schools, and hospitals will greatly increase an Asshole’s ability to be themselves. "Being themselves" in this case means waving their weapons around to show how tough they are, or firing it off into the air to get a troublesome neighbors’ kids off the lawn.

            Still, much work lies ahead for the Asshole community.  Bringing equality to the masses means so much more than giving a minority group what they want. It is also important to teach the majority a new way of thinking, to teach them that in this new day and age where being an Asshole should now be accepted. "I have a dream, that one day little normal boys and girls and little Asshole boys and girls will be able to join hand-in-hand until the little Asshole boys and girls give the normal boys and girls Indian burns. I dream of the day, where a man is not judged by the content of his character, but by... What are you gawking at? Go away!" Said one prominent Asshole civil rights leader. Let this speech be a beacon to the American people to lay aside their prejudice and accept everyone among us as equal, even if they aren't at all equal.