After a largely unsuccessful crusade on obesity, Michele
Obama and Jill Biden have switched up their approach to solving America’s
recent health problems. Some have long
suggested taxing sugary drinks, or banning certain sizes, as Bloomberg already
has. Others encourage that she should
continue to make appearances on children’s TV shows to get to the kids. So last week, the First Lady made an
appearance on TV once again. But not on
Sesame Street, or the Disney Channel.
Instead, she made an appearance on Man v. Food to challenge the show’s
host, Adam Richman to see who could eat the Mega-Choco-Cheese Triple Kidney
Death Burger in the shortest amount of time.
“Who cares about health or exercise?” said the First Lady “I’m going to
eat this burger because I am a free American, and that means I can eat whatever I
want!”
The media’s response was tremendous,
as this callous statement drew pause not only from her husband’s liberal base,
but also amongst conservatives. “This is
merely another attempt by the jack-booted government nanny state to make the
American people weak and easy to control” said OX News correspondent Chucky Strudelpliers. “Michelle Obama merely wants the country to
be fat and lazy so her husband, Comrade Obama, can take away our guns and
liberties.” In response, people across
the nation, liberal and conservative, began lobbying for soda taxes, longer PE
classes in elementary school and Bloomberg is no longer considered a lunatic by
his constituents. “Anything from the
government is bad” said Spetzelpliers, “so if Michelle Obama says fitness and
health are bad, then they must be good.
Whatever they say, no matter what they do, the government cannot be
trusted. Even if it's stuff we agree with.”
In other news, Joe Biden recently
called writing to one’s congressmen “something only hopeless nerds do.”
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